Tough luck, cmingo
Had a great plan to take a trip to Langkawi with friends this weekend but unfortunately the Sumatra earthquake shook Langkawi up a little and now visiting it wouldn't be such a good idea anymore. Such trifle matters I face though upon comparison with Sri Lanka, India, and Indonesia.
May the quake be quashed and no tremors nor tsunamis shake the nations again.
Christmas was pretty normal and gay fag Nien is thinking of having a new year's eve party for the IMU people who live in KL. Feasible, I should think.
Speaking of parties, I hope I get my vacation! Let's just go to Tioman damn it. Monsoons are fun. We can go skinny dipping under the rain and run around with our fat bellies. Or maybe just mine.
Oh no, I just remembered. I owe Esther her top logo. Shit, she's going to strangle me. And Yvinne her tshirt. Shit, why why why? I'm not a procrastinator! I refuse to be. At least I know it's Tim who has some blame for the Tshirt as well. Lol.
I clearly remember that at the start of 2004 I made a resolution never to be late again.
To say that I have failed miserably is an understatement.
Somebody slap me.
My Wish List
Unlike some people who blogged up their Christmas wish list, my wish list is truly without a doubt full of hints. So if you want to buy me a christmas present but don't what to get me, stress no longer my friends.
in no particular order of preference. simplified for your convenience.
1) an 02 XDaII leather case
2) headphones for my phone(not earphones, headphones)
3) a new wallet
4) a new mmc/sd 512mb card
5) a trucker(i think it's called dat) cap
6) a wireless router
7) a national geographic collections of photograph book
8) a snooker cue
9) a new sriverfx
10) foosball grip
11) ROOM's cushiony house thingy
12) a year's subscription to FHM
13) spawn models series 26: Tiffany
14) spawn models twisted land of oz: Toto
15) the matrix model(the mechwarrior guy)
16) a butterfly shaped super yoyo
Anyway there you go, can't think of anything else for now but something tells me there's more. So there. Christmas the season to be jolly.
A wise man once said, " Ho, ho, ho!"
It turned out to be Santa Claus.
A festival held near the water is called a water festival.
Since I have nothing else to do, and everyone seems to be in the photo posting mood, I shall deliver my share. But the truth of the matter is, I'm posting this because I feel that I owe the water festival committee something as I did not pay them the mandatory 5 bucks(but still walloped their chicken wings). Please don't tell them this, thank you.
The funny thing was, when Aiky saw this picture she immediately exclaimed,"Ahh! I'm so cute" with not a tinge of humility in her tone.
sk8tr girls.
Raymond's a happy man. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if he's heterosexual.
Zkay with his 46 degree twist.
Larry Loo. Trying to show off his muscles. :/
Tim doing the superman. And dat is Larry's back.
I think Lawrence was going for the backflip but stopped way short.
I think IMU is currently under this gay fad thingy. Everyone seems to be having fun pretending to be gay and laughing at gay jokes. It was funny a short while back but now that this trend is getting out of control, I think we should stop poking fun at the homos. You wouldn't to accidentally offend the PLUs.(people like us)
To further solidify my point, here's what I mean. Ray: "Because it's funny!"
No idea why I took this photo.
Ok, this snap was accidental but I don't doubt that Carrie and Alice must have been playing the gorilla impersonating game. I'll say Carrie win hands down.
Here's Kit Chung attempting to beat Carrie but he just looks weird.
'nuff said.
Team B-14-7 United. Owned like a goldfish dropping.
I could almost swear I saw our opponents saying "gg no re". Good game, no rematch. nuuby n00bness: the situation in which you're nooby at being a noob.
I dropped Isabella yesterday :( sniff. I'll never hurt you again, I promise! and cmingo recommends: One missed call. Watch it if you're a horror buff.
Oh yeah, just the other day, I witnessed an extraordinary feat.
I saw a tortoise(turtle?) cross the road.
And it wasn't just any road. It was the KESAS highway(zoom zoom).
Ever watched the cartoon where the main character, usually a depressed animal, misses his owner and travels halfway across the country meeting other depressed animals with agendas of their own who then together gang up for the adventure of a lifetime?(something is wrong with this sentence).
Anyway, yeah, it was like that. Except that I didn't really see any other animal other than the tortoise/turtle who I henceforth shall name HanNien Jr for no apparent reason. Come to think of it, maybe there was a gnat or a beetle riding its back just like in the cartoons. Let's just assume as such and again for no apparent reason, let's name the beetle Arnold.
So what's the story? HanNien Jr is a 10 year old tortoise/turtle that lives with his much beloved owner somewhere in Puchong. He was dearly taken care of and would do anything for his owner, whose name is not revealed for the purpose of anonymity.
One day, HanNien Jr was dropped on its back and like most tortoises/turtles, it went berserk and crazy. He received a heavy blow to his brain which damaged his cerebral cortex causing progressive schizophrenia. As sad as it sounds, our friendly turtle has now become autistic to the world. And it gets worse. He began to imagine fictional characters. One of them was a cat that was constantly lurking around his aquarium and annonying him to no ends. Thank goodness though, for there was his other fictional friend, Arnold the beetle, who proved to be his ally in the war against the lurking cat.
So HanNien Jr would whisper for days with his beetle friend about how to get rid of the cat. He had to whisper because he knew the cat could hear their conversations and possibly develop a countermeasure to blunt their maniacal attempts to kill him. But HanNien Jr and Arnold were no fools. They had a weapon and they knew how to use it well.
to be continued...(or not)
4 lelaki lecture yang lurus tengok cerita 9 lelaki bengkok yang mati kongkiao.
So here we were again. The 4 of us lectureboys once more grouped at my house for a night of movies and alcohol-free beverages.
Three things are bound to occur whenever the lectureboys meet. 1) We talk about gay stuff. 2) We do gay stuff. 3) We watch a movie at my place. Taking into account all three of these essentials, it was one hell of an applaudable decision when we decided to watch a gay movie.
The show was, whorishly funny. It wasn't family funny like Finding Nemo or subtle funny like Ally Mcbeal. It wasn't even funny-looking like Tim.(but dat's a whole new topic, hovering on some form of narcissistic craving of his to present himself as sexually biased.)
Which leads to the undoubtedly same thoughts that will arise as you proceed to watch this gay movie. Man, this movie is just as funny as a whore. It's whorishly funny.
The gist? Two Irish men stumble along the gay underworld of London looking for the hidden bread in the bed. But it's not easy. For the mystery is deeply entwined in a gay community where everyone is about a mile more gay than he appears to be.
Watch it yourself to understand what I mean. Here below is Jeff, our favourite dead gay guy. Tim wants to be just like him. Or something like that.
I shall conquer Renal.
First things first. Couple more IMU Cup opinions.
Blog 7:I'm a crazy Foxxes fan.
Blog 8:I'm a futsal addict.
And a couple more IMU blogs. Jun Jack, Carrie, Christina, Thomas, Mark and the return of Imperfection(otherwise knowned as The Woman In Tan).
OK, about conquering Renal.
Recently,(in fact it was as recent as yesterday but it feels unprofessional to begin a sentence with Yesterday,) I was slapped in the face with the fact that I was academically ranked in the bottom 30 of my batch. I had failed my endocrinology exam.
Usually failing isn't a big deal. Heck of the matter is, my principle in life has never been to be good. But just to be better. I don't really care if everyone around me is performing damn well or damn poorly. ALL I want is to perform better. SO even if everyone failed, I would be happy as long as I didn't fail the worst.
Call it kiasuness. But I rather it be known as selective survival.
So, the crux is, I'm a loser. Because endo was the one exam I thought I could pass knowing that it was impossible that I could land in the bottom 30. But my theory of failing proved it's effectiveness as I was filtered out among the 170 of us to fulfill her(all evil things, even evil abstract ideas, are female) equation.
So there. THe lectureboys' new vow: To conquer Renal.
Anyway, it's a good feeling to see your room clean. You should go clean ur room right now.
And Ching Ling should read this post: Ching Ling is a carbuncle.
And people beware. For there's a new threat in town. She's the ultimate warrior and believes in conspicously looking absolutely horrid to scare off anybody potentially harmful to her. She will suffer no criticism about her mismatched eyeballs. I personally learnt that the hard way when she zapped me with her sonic ray after I snickered at her.
When am I wrong?
Yep, I was right. People are blogging about the IMU Cup. Figures.
Anyway, updated the links. Wanted to put in pharmacy links but wouldn't want to do that without permission. So, if you're from IMU and don't mind me linking you just put up your link in the tagboard please. I just want to list out all the IMU bloggers once and for all.
Couple of IMU cup reads:
Blog 1:I want to end this.
Blog 2:I want to ask questions.
Blog 3:I want to forget this.
Blog 4:I write weird angst-ridden stuff.
Blog 5:Let's be happy.
Blog 6:Join adventure club today!
WIthout a doubt, therein lies the inevitable.
I'm pretty sure all the M103 bloggers are going to mention something about the 'climatic' ending of the IMU Cup 2004 and its cheerleading competition.
The tension, the betrayals, and the very last straw that is discord between batches.
Well, in an sourly ironic sort of way, perhaps it will in the long run achieve the IMU Cup goal: unity, friendship, and everything nice. But that would be a mighty long run.
FOR now, am too lazy to give my 2 cents worth on the incidents that precede and will most probably proceed the IMU Cup month. Would really like to listen to the IMU bloggers first though. Although seriously, surfing through them is now a wonderfully tedious task.
In other news, white water rafting rox0rz. Must must must do the rapids 5 river. HOpefully this time without the guide that cannot resist himself the urge to roll on the raft laughing(acronymed at RORL) at our persistent attempts to race each other and fall into the river.
The little things you discover each day.
PharmacyIMU has a fairly large amount of bloggers. Here I was randomly clicking on sites and I came across one pharmacy student's blog, then another, then another, then another and I found a whole group named IMU Elite. Which is a damned thing because I was bout to name my newly formed IMUWebsite group The IMU Elites. Now it wouldn't be original anymore. :/
ANyway, their IMU Cup spirit is truly inspiring, which is more than I can say for most other batches. I think they deserve the Elephant Cup.
Speaking of which, the clouds of failure have removed themselves off our darkened skyline for we now see rays of hope. M1/03 can possibly win the IMU Cup! With our accumulated silvers and bronzes and semifinals and very very occasional golds, we just might clinch the culminative title from the grasp of the opposing batches. Ownage is a batch redeeming themselves in something else when they lack the necessary ability to own in exam results.
Can the title possibly fall back into M1 hands? Or will we prove ourselves to be, in the words of a particular B.Med.Sc student, wankers like the previous M1/02? The truth shall be revealed.
Anyway, silly stuff aside, I have a new photoblog. But it's not up yet. In fact, it's SO not up yet that I shouldn't even say that I have a new photoblog. Ignore this paragraph.
Damn damn damn, how could I miss the metamorphosis deadline? If you see me in public, please call me the Royal Procrastinator.
AH-HA!, the truth revealed.
Here we were chatting about gay stuff when SK decided to do what he always does. Becoming single whenever he gets the mood to. I hope your gf is reading this because we finally have it in writing.
Good thing for him he learned his lesson after I threatened him. Now he'll never be silly again.
Ok, when I say we were chatting about gay stuff, seriously, we were chatting about GAY stuff.
My gum hurts.
Anyway, as a well written fullstop to the debate on ragging, I present this link to you.
When the world makes you feel like a piece of hamster dropping.
Ok, just that day when I was shooting hoops with my housemate, Wei Jin, something weird occurred.
It was about 1.30am when all of a sudden, this girl walked up to IMU and sat down on the curb before the basketball court. She looked pretty young, was carrying a backpack, and had this weird dispositon. I mean, what was a girl doing walking around alone at 1.30 in the morning?
Anyway, that's not it. All of a sudden, we heard sobbing. She was crying. The sobs started slow and insidiously progressed to large long wails. Me and my housemate were just looking at each other wondering what the fuckaroos this is. But we continued on playing not knowing what else to do.
So, after a silent mutual agreement between the both of us that she's human, we approached her and asked if she needed any help. She didn't respond to English, so we tried cantonese and mandarin and she finally wailed out,"Wo mei yo yong!!!" as in "I am useless!"
So, since the knowledge of both our mandarin is added up to a 1 year old child, and it did not help that her wails and cries were drowing out her words, we managed to only get sporadic information from her as to why she's right here sitting down on the gravel path of IMU.
Apparrently, she's an Upper Six student studying somewhere outside KL. She must have done shit for her trials(an assumptive guess) since it's trial season. She wailed out something like someone drove her out of her home and that she's not a bad student because she loves attending classes and enjoys studying. She doesn't understand why she's useless and thus the conversation sort of ended with she presistenly proclaiming or rather asking us if she's really useless. She literally asked,"Wo se bu se mei yo yong..!!". Assuming it was a rhetorical question, both of us noobs just listened to her cry and not knowing really what or how to reply her.
Well, thank the heavens, because someone called her on the handphone and not long after that she was picked up.
Eh, too lazy to finish this.
OK Seriously...
Please watch the repeat of Malaysian Idol RnB week this Sunday because I'm on camera. Haha.
If i'm not mistaken, I appeared 3 times. Wow. Talk about being at the right seat at the right time.
Just watch the whole show and watch out for me. One of the appearances is right at the beginning of the show... I'm the guy with the gray shirt holding the flag, the one with the big head sitting at the very front of the camera,... so don't forget
LOL.
Where does the thin line stand?
At yeepei.com, a question was raised.
"Why do you want to continue with this vicious cycle???"
First things first, what the cycle is.
As a junior you get ragged. When you become a senior, you rag juniors. Said juniors becomes senior and rag new juniors. The self-sustaining cycle of doom that apparently has been broken and set anew by the proud M2s.
The Chinese, or at least a majority of them, enjoy eating the innards of certain animals. The rest of the world stare in disbelief and wonder aloud,"How in the world can anyone consume such immensely disgusting food?".
Some people in the world eat good healthy live bugs. The same Chinese people who ate those intenstines wonder,"HOw can they eat that beetle? YUcks."
Weirdness is a measure of variance.
See it in another light. Certain students enjoy giving out a good old strict ragging. Some do not. So imagine the Chinese people tutoring that insect eating tribe to stop eating bugs because it's just wrong and disgusting.
Who's right in this case? No one is. In terms of culinary options, both sets of people can do whatever they want. But if that Chinese man speaks out and start doing monkey faces at the insect-eating tribe whilst claiming that his own people are superior just because they do not eat bugs, then regardless of who eats what, he is wrong.
This goes out to all the M1s who think that M2s are too tame and for M2s who think that M1s are just violent and horny.
IF you believe in setting a new tradition then why do you question people who wish to maintain theirs?
And of course in this controversial argument, it all boils down to one main bottom line however and in whatever possible way you started it.
Bullying people and forcing them to do embarrassing acts that deface their pride and name is just wrong.
In a way that makes sense because however cute that analogy above was, eating bugs is not the same as... say killing babies. If there existed a tribe that killed babies, I'm pretty sure the Chinese, Indian, or Mohican will step out and set something right.
But yet again we must remember that we're not killing babies here. WE're simply having a week of good laughs by ragging. Admittedly, there does exist a point where ragging becomes unbearable to behold in terms of human ethics. Therefore, where thus exist the line'th that must be drawe'th?
Which ultimately leads us back to one question. When is it too much? And that, in my very humble yet farsighted opinion, is where you handle the problem. And not by setting new "traditions" that is what, made to belittle generations of medical students before you?
It would be like the new-age Chinese teenagers starting to abandon and discriminate their old traditions just because... they feel that American culture is just too cool a thing not to adopt.
But of course, pardon the nettle. No one's angry about anything. Words will always remain as that. In fact, here at cmingo.blogspot.com, we wish to say kudos for successfully going out there and setting to work out on what you believe in as right. And perhaps that itself could speak for almost everything else.
But again, there will be ownage ragging going about, and I for one... am a sadist.
Gone were the days, or maybe not.
Self-admittedly, during my primary school years and for the better part of high school, I wasn't your average kid bursting with energy. I preferred the quiet kinda life, the one where I minded my own business, where making friends weren't necessary, and those thick rimmed glasses made me feel special. I was the kind of character most people, for some reasons unfathomable to me, refer to as a nerd.
It didn't help that I was born with this unusual streak of shyness. I was shy around everyone and rarely spoke to anyone not family. Friends at school were a-ok because I've slowly grown accustomed to their familiar voices and image over time and I've reassured myself that they wouldn't harm me.
Rules must be abided by back then and being this nerdy kid whose nerdiness knows no bounds, breaking a rule would evoke pure sweat-drenching moments. So I guess remembering this particular event isn't that weird after all.
It was a Saturday, and like most Saturdays, it was an extra cocurriculum day. I was enrolled in (surpise, surpise!) the Science Club. But unlike every other cocurriculum day, it was Different. On that fateful day that changed everything, I decided to not wear my collar stud.
Now most of the time, you have got to keep on your collar stud and your student ID, or you'll be booked by the prefects. SO the thought of broaching up this willful act of disobedience was easily trauma-inducing. Everybody gasp with me. Gasp.
I was a rebel.
I was cool.
So I smugly went to school sans the collar stud. And, somehow slightly disappointly, there were no outcries of "He doesn't HAVE a collar stud!" or "Man, that kid is a cool one.". Instead, many didn't even come to school in the uniform. I tried to act pokerface about the whole thing but somehow my mind kept wandering to how cool I'm being. I started making mock fun of the nerds who're still wearing their collar studs on a Saturday. Gee, that ain't cool, no way dude.
Next week was going to be better, I just know it, because I'm going to not wear my collar stud.... on a weekday.
Well, 5 days of uncertainty is better than 1 night of fear.
So my name ain't on the viva list. Oh well. It's either a pass or an absolute nothing I can do about it fail.
The whole night as I was sleeping, I was falling into and out of dreams. THe common link was that all those dreams revolved around me and the exam results. There was a dream where I had to take a resit-resit for ppl who failed the resit. There was one where I failed and all my friends passed. There was one where I had HIV and syphillis(and was very close to getting the bubonic plague) although I had no idea how they relate to the exams except that during the entire course after contracting the disease I was thinking of taking penicillin to kill the virus. Signs of a dumbass student in any case.
THe happiest thing about those dreams were the ending because in all of them, I had to wake up and come to realise that they are after all just dreams. But even so, in the act of waking up, I had to do so amidst layers of dreams that has been laid, presented, and shrouded around each other. I was dreaming in a dream that was being dreamt in my dream and had to slowly come awake tediously from one to one. Waking up from one, realising that I haven't failed, just to find out that I have AIDS, to waking up and realising that I don't, just to find myself studying hard, to waking up and finding out that the viva list is out. Oh wait, that's the real world.
I'm a victim of Freddy Krueger. Help.
So here I have it. 5 days of uncertainty. If I don't blog on friday, you know what happened.
Speaking of which, good luck Jwinster, good luck Yingster, and good luck to the other two fellas whom I have not found out their names. Ace the viva.(oklar, no need to ace it, just get the bloody pass)
Till then.
I'm adohwehble!!
Tada. The exam's over.
NO comments.
If I do my best and God does the rest, what will happen I did not do my best? If I put in 3/4 of my best, will GOd grace me with a 3/4 blessing? Or is it an all-or-none respose?
Well, I have a couple of days before the viva list comes out. Just gotta have fun these few days man. Must must must make the most of it before I am forced to repeat another semester. That's if I fail. Imagine the euphoria flowing through my veins if I pass. Happiness!
Man, If i do fail, i'm gonna work like a monkey with testicular cancer. Guaren-damn-teed.
OK, gtg first. expect a blog tonight.
Anyway, everybody say WAH! in unison.
The sun itself sees not till heaven clears.
I have a vision.
But if the most probable occupation that I will practice as in the future is as a doctor and a doctor alone, then I cannot achieve my vision. A sole doctor cannot change the world. How many doctors hold in their hand the power to move and shape society? A promising career medicine is, I'll grant you that, but to have the influence to shake away the norms of the old? Heck, people like Patch Adams don't come often.
I want to be Martin Luther King. Or Gandhi.
I need to substantiate Wawasan CMINGO.
all blog links above are now working and accurate. included two new buggers.
Who needs enemies?
WHen you have friends that start discussing what kind of a wuss you are. Tsk, tsk.
seng keat: cm is the king of wusses.
tim: cm being a wuss. was there ever a doubt?
grace: the fact that cm's a wuss has been known since the beginning of time.
I was like, you know, like, duh, you know like, you know like what the fuck?
But since I'm a sporting little bitch, I'm ok with it. But that conviction in the way they say it made me cerebrate. Am I really a wuss?
Anyway, me body clock is so screwed up now that I don't even know if I'm awake right now. I swear I had a narcolepsy-like incident happening a few days back. In fact all these could be a dream and if I stabbed myself in the face right now I wouldn't die but would merely wake up and realise that I did pass my EOS3 with flying colours or better yet, everybody FAILED alongside me. I've always said that everybody under par feels better than everybody making it. Yes, I'm a bitter bitch, sue me.
AIYAHHH!, JOKING LA BRUDDER...!
Anyway, I learnt a new word: Jism. 20 cents to the first person who can tell me what it means.
Goodbye.
edited an hour later
Well, I'm back, because something was bugging my delicate brain and I had to write it down before I forget.
...
OK, damn, I just forgot.
Is it just me?
Well, life goes on and time waits not for man.
I back-bench in the lecture hall, and look at ourselves. This bunch of 2nd year medical students who know not best of what they are getting themselves into. I survey the hall again and I ponder just to be piqued by that query again. Truly, how many of us will make it? How many of us sitting down here today will eventually become what we wish to become?
The thought of knowing that there is an inevitable dark future which comes abreast with the inability to do even a whisper about it does not scare me, it asserts me instead. Here I am, and there it is. Because I am here, soon I'll have to be there.
You being the sole decision maker of your destiny were just fallacious thoughts that have blinded us all these while.
If without fail and for a most certain fact there will be a future where not everyone of us will succeed, then it can only be ascertained that I could very well belong to that group that did not survive the clenches of probability. Even if more effort was to be put in to revise like a cow with testicular cancer(note: cows don't have testicles) in order to get through medical school, still, probability cannot fail and somebody else has to take the fall in order to satiate the statistics.
A most important proposition that must follow is; Does this mean that no matter how hard everybody works, somebody's going to FAIL? If you answered no, then you're naive and enjoy cross-dressing. If however the answer is Yes, indeed it can only mean that for the stastics to not fall into chaos, somebody must succumb and fail like a bitch.
Upon No. of failures being 0, the equation that governs us goes haywire and reality itself cannot exist whether it be harsh or not.
THere is only one solution for all of these. One solution that can ensure that everyone in the class makes it. But I fear to speak it. The knowledge is too great to hold but too drastic to be shared. Nay, I have to bear it alone and must refrain from telling the world. I torment myself like this but for the better of the world, so be it.
So instead, let's talk about eggs.
That day I was frying an egg and I decided,'Hey this is taking damn long.' So I microwaVED it.. ANd lo and behold, it came out damn nice.. perfectly sunny side up. Now, I was thinking, if the microwave is so incredible for making half-boiled and sunny side eggs, then why doesn't everyone use it? Instead they fry it and do other messy ways of preparing an egg.
So the only possible conclusions are: a) Nobody knows and I'm a genius for realising. b) People know but they don't because microwaves do something evil to eggs like mutating them and making them gremlins in your stomach. or c) That people know and have been using it for some time now except my backward family and friends who taught me how to cook my eggs.
SOmebody tell me!
Oh, next blog: How to get instant world peace.
Btw, I support Bush instead of Kerry because I think sometimes there are a lot of things going on behind the walls that people don't know about yet they impatiently hurl criticism at their President for making things the way it seems to be potrayed. DO not be so quick as to judge Bush just because all you've ever heard was that he started a war and (sarcastic tone)hey, that can't be good right!
Anyway, I'm not even American. Man, I always speak on irrelevant topics when I should be revising like a monkey with big balls.
Ah, to be ze professional is a tough job, no?
King Constantine with the Yorkminster(I think) in the background.
Nice looking flowers.
So, I've been doing some thinking. About the purpose of why we're studying. But, since old man Tim states that only the man who can score the goal deserve to question the goalscoring in the first place, I shall delay the presentation of my intuitive and far from banal thinkings on what I think is right and for the good of mankind. First, let there be a 65% and above.
Anyway, just got back from an 11 day holiday in which I could have spent that amount of time to cover four systems instead of doing absolutely nothing, which is what happened. Friends who love me, pray for me.
So, my throat is sore and my tonsils are enlarged. Lozenges suck.(no pun intended)
ANyway, I've got plenty of things to talk about the vacation but since I'm as lazy as the laziest dog that the quickest brown fox jumped over... I shall do what I do best and procrastinate. In fact, I may never even talk about what I wanted to talk about anymore.
Remember my resolution on never being late? Well, it didn't exactly work but I ain't gonna let that stop me this time because I assure you, I shall do my bestest to never be late again. Key word: bestest.
Goodbye, and give me comments, I like comments.
This is an advertisement. I'm a whore for hits.
Since my blog has the most hits among the clangaya members and most probably will have for a very very long time, here's an advertisement.
Wise quotes from a wise man:-
It is not who we are chosen to be but who be we when we are chosen.
Sometimes when the hand of God moves, we question why. But we do know. Because life is after all.
The pain I felt today can no more as amount to the pain which I do not want to feel again tomorrow.
Failure is like a wood splinter caught in the webbing of your fingers. It hurts like a bitch.
Chia Ming, you sunofabeech, you just
And to think that when I got my SAM results, I swore to myself that this would not happen again. The crouching by the corner, the writhing in bed, the tears that cannot flow and the numbness of being a man that could not succeed.
What makes a failure? What makes one not be able to pass? The beauty of failure lies in the fact that it's subjective; everyone has their own passing mark. But beneath its arbitary applicance, a man knows deep down inside of him that whatever happens that has already happened cannot change and regardless of what the world says, you have failed.
Do we wish to fail? A simple analogy would be of lung cancer. Nobody wishes to have lung cancer. But people smoke. But yet these people do not want to be plagued by cancer in the future. It's a really stupid cycle if you look at it in detail but the reason why people still smoke is(and anti-smoking campaigns better take note) because at this very moment as they take in puffs they cannot feel the cancer. Man procrastinates everything, even logic.
The failure to think ahead. Which leads to another failure. And another. And another. A neverending cascading effect that begins with the smallest of dominoes, which push down bigger and bigger dominoes. Slowly and steadily before you know it, there's finally enough momentum to knock down even the largest of them all. And when that happens, there's no one else in the world except you, falling down into a bottomless pit away from the only source of light, furiously trying to get a hold but only successful in grabbing the thinnest of air. Tumbling, tumbling down into a bleak, uncertain death. But death most likely. Or even worse, you never land.
Don't fail. Don't even begin.
And that, is me.
The pain that I felt today can no more as amount to the pain which I do not want to feel again tomorrow.
5 more weeks to my Semester 3 finals. That leaves about 15 days of revision once you've subtracted off those days used for slacking, sleeping, and simply put, the days in which I waste my life away.
I assure you people, if there was a man whom you do not wish to marry, that said man would be me. But you wouldn't mind a fling or two with me.
It's a good thing really that I pulled out of elections. I am proud of that one move. IMU doesn't need another potentially useless candidate who has eyes the pearls of the ocean on her hands.
I take a whole hour just to read through my blog links. This sucks. Blogging wasn't meant to take up one hour of my otherwise wasted time. Too many people are blogging! Cut down ppl. You don't have that much to say.
I've been having intermittent localized sharp pain in my chest. Exactly where my apex is. I think I'm dying. I don't really want to die. I'm not a hero. I fear death. Don't tell me that death is the cessation of all emotions.
Is there really such a thing as rebound love? WHat if it so happened that you really fell in love a few days after your break up? Must that man/woman be wronged just because he/she fell in love at a seemingly inapposite time? Who keeps track of the time anyway?On that point, does this mean that a man CANNOT love after he has broken up or else he would most definately be accounted for as rebounding? Must every individual conform to society's stereotypical "break-up time"? WHat if his break up time is uniquely shorter that others? What if he is an independently tough man who needs no break up time? And yet we will sneer at him for taking on some 'rebound' love when the only crime he has performed is to have a stronger will than you. Is this where it all leads up to? Laughing at a man's strengths while cuddling your own weaknesses. AM I making any sense?Can someone please clarify this for me?
I shall shut up now.
But first, Saturday Night Fever was good. ALthough I liked Fame better. Maybe I'm a sucker for the good ol' plot.
Ok, I'm off to waste my life away. Good bye.
And, I feel like posting my favourite story up again like I did a very, very long time ago.
I like monkeys.
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I
thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided
not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name
was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright.
They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they
punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then
I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately,
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn't all go bad
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys
in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The
odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use
the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was
not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
them, but I could tell they were lying.
Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
IF life was a walk in the park, then I must have been rolled over by a bicycle.
My resolution to get my life back in order. Progress=0.023%
I need a break. From the world. But I've got not the time.
Sometimes you wonder why people live for the moment. BUt let me tell you; it is because they cannot live for anything else but.
I am cursed.
Because lightning almost always without fail seem to enjoy laying its wrath upon my home. I swear I can almost feel the air around me giggle when mother nature has again succesfully managed to fry the fuckaroos out of my modern world.
I've actually learned from the past to unplug my modem. So I did just that, silently assesing on how there's no way my modem can fry again. But the best bit about all this is how nature always seem to find a way, that vindicative bastard.
It decided to fry the whole thing. So now my modem is working because it was unplugged, but my pc and monitor has fused. Woopee. Damn fun.
I hate living on a hill.
Am typing from the e-lab. I hate losing touch of technology. I feel like I'm slowly drifting away from the future, surely but steadily sinking into this desolate backward world where people only use the computer for printing purposes. I'm becoming my parents!
ANyway, it's been a busy week. Mother's day. Selling flowers whole week so that people can get something beautiful for their mom but ended up not getting anything for my own. I'm a loser bounded by ironies.
By the way, I think this is the phase of my life where I finally get everything back in order. NEed to muster discipline or else I'll fail in everything and anything that I do. I can't afford to oversleep again. THe next time I oversleep, I'll die. I really will. My friends will hate me and my hair will fall off(gasp! anything but that, the window to my soul!!!). I'll soon lose respect even from my dogs and ferrets will shit on me.
Wait a minute, ferrets are shitting on me. ARgh, my life is a mess!
I hate exclamation marks!!! It makes me look stupid and unprofessional.
Seriously, I wish I had half as much discipline as half of the people of half my batch. But no point whining. Cause I hate whiners. They do nothing but whine all day and get nothing done.
SOmeone up there hates me.
It just came to me. I realised that I've lost contact with a few of my friends. I mean, I even have them linked to me but I don't even read their blogs anymore. I am an asshole. Which also brings me to realise that the only way I'm actually keeping in touch with the lives of my friends are through their online journal. What's worse is the fact that this also applies to how I keep touch of my siblings' lives. Sigh. I read my brother more than I talk to him.
Anyway, let's not be somberly caviling out the errors of my life. It's getting boring and redundant.
I used to think I was a very noble man. Now I realise that I'm just a genius.
Why I make such claims is because I've come to understand myself better. I used to believe fervently that I would die for a friend. That I would, in any event, be willing to sacrifice my life for his. I would die before him, because I love my frens such as they do not love me. I kept postulating that I am willing to undergo such a sacrifice was because I was noble. But the genius that is in me is not so easily fooled. I knew that the reason I wanted to sacrifice my life for a friend was not because I was a great friend but because I wanted to die and leave the world. ANd if I could die doing such a 'noble' deed, it'll look great on the resume.
But of course, subconscious suicidal thoughts are just normal. And juvenile if I might add.
Ok, enough of stupid, pointless, and irksome issues.
Earlier as I was sitting in the lecture hall at the start of the lecture which I eventually skipped anyway, I came to a very important conclusion: Medicine, o boy, is seriously tough.
I want to design t-shirts for a living.
Quote of the day: Being broke is the mother of cheap entertainment - Phases '99
He's not dead! The lil' things you can discover if you try hard enough.
I am an asshole.
If I could name my most obvious trait it would be my IRRESPONSIBILITY.
I suck. I am an asshole.
I'll never oversleep by 3 hours again. Seriously, trust me, it can ruin your day.
THings to work on:
1) Irresponsiblity.
2) Tardiness.
3) Procrastination.
4) Adiposity.
5) Jump height.
All in that order. If I don't improve on all these before mid-year 2004, then please shoot me.
Also CMingo theory no.26:
Because of the immense rate of new bloggers, by the year 2020, 3 out of 5 internet users will have their own online blog. This will provide the internet with an average of 300 million blogs a day. Due to this exponentially increasing new data in the internet webspace daily, the servers will be overladen with the burden, the computers will crash, and technology as we know it will come to an end. Welcome to the 2nd Stone Age.
Mark my words people because Me = Future Nobel Prize receipient.
I won't forget my readers when I'm famous.
Flabbergasting
I hate my librarian.
She's big and round and she enjoys disturbing the entire library just to hush you up. WHich is ironic cause she's actually making more noise than the noisemaker initially. Idiot.
I know have a Top 11 list:
11) Shush her while she's trying to shush someone up.
I can imagine it perfectly.
The big librarian has just spotted two students talking slightly louder than a whisper. WIth a smug look on her pneumothoracic air filled face, she starts opening her lid.
Big Librarian: CAN YOU PLEASE KEEP QUIE..
Background Voice (which is me): SHHHHHHH!
BIg librarian: *stops and look around* What the...*blur*... CAN YOU PLEASE KE...
Background VOice: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Big librarian: ahem. *looks around but can't find the sexy culprit* CAN YOU PL...
Background Voice: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AT this point the entire library laughs mercilessly at her, some with fingers pointing directly at the mockery that is her. She feels embarrassed and runs out of the library with her face buried in her hands, she then miss a step and falls down flat. The library then feels sorry for her and some students approached her to help her up. She then notices her fault and from that day on has turned over a new leaf and becomes the most lovable librarian ever. She then addresses me as Master Ming and becomes my book finding assistant. The end.
Time to cheat google into giving me hits.
SEPANG F1 RACE
SEX
TUBERCULOSIS
SEX
INCUBUS
SEX
CHUN CHICKS
WILLIAM HUNG
AKADEMI FANTASIA
SEX
Okay, that should about cover it. I'm really banking on the SEPANG F1 RACE to give me hits because it's a sunday and the race is in a few hour's time. That means, that people around the world will be typing that down and they'll stumble upon this blog and before you know it, forced to read the entries and soon hooked onto this marvellously interesting and yet very humble but colourful character of a man that is me!
So if you're here because you got conned. Thanks, you just proved that I'm a genius.
Well, it wasn't the best but it was great.
I knew how to line out to 5 Incubus songs and was all ready for the sing along but they only played, out of the 5,... one. =/
HOwever, at least they owned bonez with Megalomaniac. Gaya. I want to be a rock singer.
Anyway, it's high time I published my Top Ten Things to DO before I die list. Very important. PLease take note.
In no particular order:
1) Sex with Japanese twins on Vista apartments balcony.
2) Steal a carrefour trolley.
3) Press the CSU buzzer. *
4) Jump from my hotel balcony to the swimming pool.
5) Bitch slap that feng shui woman on tv. Lily Too or something.
6) Arm wrestle with Mahathir.
7) Do a drum solo on stage in front of a 10,000 strong crowd.
8) Fire an AWP sniper.
9) Save the world.
10) French kiss Britney.
* - Coming soon.
Well, at least I've done one out of the ten. It's a good progress really.
Oh that day someone ignored my warning on the "Gay means happy!!" joke. So I kicked him in the nuts. Loser.
ANyway, seriously there's a blogging fever spreading around. Wtf is wrong with the world? Even my siblings now blog! ANd to think they actually think that I don't think that they think that I think that I know that they know my blog. Sheesh. That sentence makes sense btw.
Well, exam's next week. And I failed at the promises that I made to myself. Anyway, I know how to not break promises anymore. Don't make them! I can't believe that I did not see this solution earlier. IT was right there in front of me. PPL who don't make promises on every small thing never face the hassle of having to put effort into keeping their word. Therefore, from now on when I do make a promise, you can be ensured that I'll keep it, or at least to the best of my extent. *smile*
ANyway, here I was that day thinking. ANd I know how bloggers today blog.
DIvided into:
1) Melodramatic suicidal angst-filled blogger that has poems in almost every blog and lines like "I am lonely." depicting his/her sad existance and why the world is crumbling. The blackgrounds must be either black or has some weird colour combinations that cause eye-aches. It keeps that flavour of depression intact.
2) My life is colourful so every little thing I do, including the details of how I brushed my teeth in the morning must be artistically written. "This day I awoke. And my strokes of depuration to purify and purge my white gems of all toxicity and pungence was what I did. After that, I took a shit."
3) Confusing abstract notions and logic. They think they know how to come up with the cure for cancer when all they do is beat around the bush. PPl like them like to think and think and write and write and come up with nothing but irregular and incoherent logic. "What if you lived in a world where married people cannot have sex? Would you still get married?" Stupid questions.
4) Story-telling bloggers that somehow can blog about their life in a story like fashion that starts off well, gains momentum, and in some cases, end it with some conclusion. These ppl read too much.
5) Everything out in one go so I don't care if my england or grammur not nice. Why lar you think I blog for you entertain? Who care if I boring you? I like these ppl because they talk honest and straight. After all, I do think that was what blogging was intended for. Interesting to read too because most of them can come up with cute(ugly and adorable!111) stories.
6) A lil' mix of this and that are good bloggers that know how to balance out the poetry, the abstractness, the daily bugling, and the humour. I think they deserve to be credited immediately. They get 2nd position on the bloggers' category. No1 belongs to the sex life bloggers. Like her.
G'day.
edit: Added a few more links without their permission. Man, headache cuz gotta read so much stuff everytime I get online.
Why why why
do we do the things we do?
SOme ppl irritate me.
I think that the next person who when I tell a gay joke reply me with a "HAhaHA! But gay means happy.. It's in the dictionary!!!!111", wah lau, I'll just kick him in the nuts. Yes, I know it means happy and I know it's in the dictionary so it's not funny or shocking when you tell me that if you must know. Same goes for the classic ol' "Cute means ugly and adorable!!!!!11." and they then proceed with a "you're cute you're cute... but dat means you're ugly! hahahahah." Wow. Seriously nuts-kicking time man.
Another interesting observation that I've made is that when men go piss at the wall urinals in the toilet, they actually strike one out of two universal poses.
1) Ignorance is bliss is when the fella pissing actually looks everywhere else but his own appendage. In his mind, he believes in the sole fact that if he can't see it, then no one else can. Therefore, he looks away, most of the time giving off this blank stare at the tiled wall in front of him. Most ppl who practice this method of public micturition also enjoy the slightly cocking of the head in an akward angle. Most of these men do not care less whether people peek at their rod or not.
2) I don't give a shit about your dick so don't look at mine. This group of men enjoys paying full concentration at their machinery because they want to believe that as long as they keep their head down and not stray their vision away, everyone else will do the same. Naive. Tsk.
So, which group of real men are you in?
Wusses piss in the cubicles btw.
Sometimes I wonder why ppl always always go around saying that you should always base ur lovelife decisions on principles such as "looking at their heart". Well, if you can discover a way to "look at people's heart" by the simple act of looking at them, then please teach me how.
And, have you ever wanted to turn back time? Because I do, right now. I want to change something that I've done which I've regretted. I want to undo myself. Sigh. IF only.
If only I could. I hate it when the rice becomes porridge and I starve myself to death. I wanna go back in time to stop myself from buying the rice.
Life is a journey, and you're the highwayman.
Plenty to talk about. But can't use the pc now. And.
to a friend:
Sometimes when the hand of GOD moves, we question why. But we do know. Because life is after all.
You have my deep condolences.
Waho
I was slightly depressed like an hour ago but oddly enough, I was actually quite entertained by cr's blog. Lol.
Haven't been online in a looong time and am getting withdrawal symptoms. Seriously, when you lose the net for a few weeks, you miss out on a lot of things man. One day, I'll take over the internet and charge 0.1 cent for everytime someone logs onto the net. And still be a billionare.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. The flame war going on in CY's blog is pretty exciting. I mean, I'm not keeping up with it or anything but the fact that it got everyone excited excites me. I'm excited cuz it's exciting to see everyone excited. But of course this brings issues of trust and goodwill.
When an argument occurs, you will 99% of the time side your friend who is involved in that argument. Of course, if you a friend of Party A, then you'll believe in him. But if you in another parellel universe befriended Party B instead then your mind will switch itself to siding Party B. Doesn't this just make you wonder on the integrity of your opinions? The fragility of the human brain.
Of course, 99% of the time, ppl judge and make assumptions very quickly. However righteous one thinks one is, he'll most definately be making assumptions in his life based on what he has seen and heard. And it is these same assumptions that cause one to be taking a side in an argument. I think a lot of ppl in this world judge too quickly and too confidently.
Of course, this is purely speaking out of experience, because I believe that in a war, one should never be too quick to judge unless of course you're 100% sure of what you know. And my friend, being a 100% sure is not as easy as it seems.
But this has nothing to do with the flame war, I assure you.
Speaking of birthdays, I'm terrible with them. If there's one flaw of me that I wish for it to be changed overnight, it would be my ability to remember birthdays. Maybe I'm just bad with dates. But fascinating to note is the fact that I can remember BackstreetBoy member A.J's birthday. It's on the 9th of January.
ANyway, to all my friends whom in the past I had(and probably in the future) forgotten to wish on the annual celebration of their life on earth, I wish you now a
This is what I propose after seconds and seconds of research into the best name fit for the best child based on their parents:
CR&A can name their sons Donatello Tan, Raphael Tan, and EssEff Tan and their daughters, PrincessPampers Tan, Silvermoon Tan, and Tanya Tan.
Since we're here I think those that didn't make me geli owe me ur kids' names as well because you're just going to make me geli soon, I know it.
KW&YY must name their son this: DARTH VADER Li... because it's a cool name. You can name ur other son Chia Ming. I think all Chia Mings deserve a brother named Darth Vader. As for your daughter, I think she should be called Yenster Li.
David&Shirley, you can name ur son after me too. Call them Damien or Jeremy cuz those are sexy names. I don't think you should have daughters.
Ivan&SA, you can thank me next time because I'm giving u the best name in the world, LutenizingHormone Seow(LH for short). Works for both sons or daughters.
Daryl&Nadia, please please name ur son Kevin after your cousin so that he can name his son Daryl after his cousin and dat would be just damn gay.
CY&Mike, your sons can have the gaya name of Mercy, Remorse, and Retribution and maybe your daughter can be called Hypochondriasis.
As for me, my eldest child should be called Dienchephalon Yeo. And if I have twins, I'm definately naming them Anterior and Posterior Pituitary. Or maybe I should just call all of them YouHaveBeenOwned Yeo so that whenever someone asks for their name, that fella will just plain get owned.
Perhaps never.
Inspire me.
The week has been pretty much in its own way hectic and that's saying something if you compare it to the other excessively boring weeks that my life just happens to enjoy bumping into.
No balls, no pain.
I want to be an idealist. A perfectionist with ideas of utopia and everything nice. Because even if you fail at what you want to achieve, being close to perfect is wonderful enough.
But life's simple(or is it?). Why do we need things to be wonderful? Why can't we see beyond that greed for things, that lust for property, that need for speed?
We preach love between all men, but really, can we love without first loving oneself? A rich man who donates is a good man. But a poor man who donates, that is a better man.
ANyway, let's not think stupid thoughts.
Plants make their own food. Animals need to walk around to find food. Plants cannot move or walk. Animals can.
NOw, the beautiful picture here is... that animals walk around to find food. But it is because they cannot make food which is why they have to find food. OR animals can walk around to find food, which is why they don't need to make food.
!!!
Two statements that in itself answer to only themselves and yet at the same time deny reason to everyone including them.
Man, creation is mind boggling.
Anyway, just how many of you out there believe in aliens?
I used to want to believe in aliens. Because I want to be a space fighter that shoots down evil empire ships. But now I realise that maybe mankind is just lonely which is why we all wanted to find aliens. But how can we deal with aliens when we can't deal with ourselves? How can a baby that cannot walk be friends with an adult that can run?
Oops. Gtg.
Bali is in Indonesia.
The trip wasn't too bad. Better than average, I shall say. But too bad the sucka thingy only gave us half a day of beach.
FOr most of you who think of Bali as just sea and sand, then you're plain owned. I spend 3/4 days looking at temples and shopping and a measly 35 minutes in the ocean(scuba diving!). Which reminds me btw, that I'm one dive more experienced than my scuba mates now! LOL! Dunno about the rest of Bali but that reef which I visited can't even come close to Tioman reefs in terms of diversity and colours. HOwever, highlight of the dive was when the divemaster grabbed a puffer fish by its tail, held it carefully in his hands, and made it panicky so it puffed up just like in Finding Nemo.. LOL! damn cute little puffball with durian spikes. Must remember to torture more fishes the next time. Suprisingly btw, I find that most divers don't have that enviromental conservative consciousness in them. I mean, seeing that divemaster agitate that fish for fun just made me go like. Woah. So this is the real world.
Oh yes, I have been pwned thoroughly btw.
AND here's how it went: We just reached home from the airport... Everything was fine.. The normal 'I'm tired so bug off' moods from both parents.... and I decided to ask my mom if she could find my ring in her suitcase. Now that ring, when I was in Bali, I handed it to my dad to pass it to my mom(at least that's what I remembered).... and he said that he dumped it into the bag. So fine, let me search the bag. Nthg. So he said,"Well, I just dumped it in, so it must mean that you didn't giv...." But I cut him off and spoke in a slightly louder-but-close-to-a-shout tone," NO, I AM HUNDRED PERCENT SURE THAT I GAVE IT TO YOU." He got pissed cuz he thinks I'm damn rude, which I was, but at that time I was very sure I handed it to him which was why I got so cocky. He said that if I found it elsewhere I had better apologize to him. In my heart, I was like, 'Hmph, yeah, whatever.'
ANyway, yep, they found it elsewhere. In my bag of all places. Story was, I did keep it. BUT I was under the wrong impression that I handed it to him. SO basically, my mistake.
And I was damn cocky. And I exclaimed in that slightly louder-but-close-to-a-shout tone that I was A HUNDRED PERCENT sure. And now I have to apologize.
Ouch, ego pecah.
THings like this just make me reflect on how.... impatient, childish, and stubborn I am. Sigh.
If my sister comes in later to nag me on how it was my fault bla bla, I'll just uppercut her in the jaw.
Speaking of sisters, she reads my blog! Shit. How the hell. But she actually thinks that it's good! Lol. Hahaha. Oh I was just thinking that from now on, whenever I receive a praise, I shall not deny it because it's rude and can be taken as a sign of egoistical behaviour(because proud ppl like to look humble), but neither shall I bask in it till it becomes overly unaccepted. So, thx for the compliment. It's flattering but I'm not too sure it's that good.
Let's move on to lighter things. Chien Yin, I think you're damn lazy. Haha. You actually copied and paste the comment you gave here previously just because you're lazy to type it out again. Haha. You amaze me.
Suicidal thoughts.
Have you had any?
What does it feel like to want to die? How far can one be pushed? How high are your limits?
I think for every morning that I wake up and I find my heart still beating, my lungs still breathing, my brain still working, and my friends, siblings, and parents alive, I want to thank God for my life for it is still wonderful.
But sometimes, I do not for I falter and feel that I don't deserve this or that. And I'm missing this or that in my life still. I get yoked with the failings of men. Sigh.
Nvm.
ANyway, I'm sleepy. So I'm going to sleep now. Anyway, I want to have an english name. How's Jeremy? Or check this out, Damien. Woah. Sexy like hell. But can I pull it off? Lol. I think I'll just call myself Valentino. It's damn me.
Fragility of it all
A few years back, I had a dream.
We were running in that dream. My family. Running from an unspeakable horror that took the form of a monster. We were running amidst a heavily packed subway station and the monster was just chasing and chasing and chasing.
I always get plenty of dreams in which I ran. Those were exciting dreams really because in those dreams, I'll be running and running from something and evading that thing by switching my route here and there and climbing up here and there and then twisting here and there and sneaking thru here and there. Those were adrenaline pumping because throughout those dreams, I'll never get caught and all I had to do was to run and find a place to hide. But this dream was different.
My family was running with me. All of us. Thru this huge, huge crowd of people. And what was different in this dream was that this time I was really, really afraid of that monster. He was scary and he was coming to get us.
I can still vaguely remember that in that dream, my father decided to stop that monster. He stood in the middle of the path and gave us time to run. To run away from that fearful abomination.
I lost track of what happened next but I woke up crying. Crying relentlessly with eyes puffed up and the blanket wet. Because before I awoke, I knew that my father had died trying to protect us. Even as I woke up, I felt such unbearable grief. Grief that knew no ends, that knew no boundaries to how it overshadow my emotions.
And then the relief that usually comes after one realises that it is a dream. That could have been listed in the top ten reliefs that I've felt in my life. It was comforting and I allowed a few moments for that relief to wash over me to cradle me and acknowledge to me that my father is alive.
Death can rip apart the fabric of existance. Grief and pain. Grief and pain. For it bring such tears. Such tears.
It was a dream yes. But I did feel that pain for that moment. And I hated it. Every cell in me detests the grief. Abhorred by what it means.
So my friend, I send to you heartfelt condolences with a message that I have a very, very, very small understanding of what it is like(it was only a minute momentary grief that in itself was unbearable and still has yet to be compared to the possibilities of what you could be feeling right now). I offer you sincerely my deepest symphaties with sincerity.
Life, the fragility of it all, has a path that neither you nor I will understand. Perhaps it is not up to us to fathom but for us to make best what we can.
Merry New Year 2004 wannabe english
Well, here it goes.
New Year Resolutions 2004:
1. Never ever be late for anything anymore.
2. Don't talk so much anymore.
3. Try to instill responsibilities in myself, such as studying properly and washing dishes.
4. Be a good person i.e. no more irritating ppl just for the fun of it.
5. Dress better.
6. Stop PROCRASTINATING my life away.
7. Save enough money to buy a ferret.
And all prioritized in that order.
Unlikes previous years, this year I'm seriously intent on changing myself for the better. Why? I'm turning 19 soon. Damn, I'm old! Noooo000ooO.
If there ever is an age to embrace adulthood, I think being 19 should be the perfect time to do so. I cannot be this fella who no one takes seriously anymore. It's time to, and as hard as it is for me to say it, grow up.
New year's eve was fun btw. Had good fun with friends. Being as hard as it is already to keep in touch with everyone, I'm pretty grateful that at least I could spend these few days with most of them. Ah, 'tis de tragedy of life.
Annnnnnnnd just when I thought that my hopes were crushed: lol
I can't stand being a med student with all its little complications here and there because I don't believe that I was meant to be a doctor. However, part of my resolutions this year is not to judge life the way it wasn't meant to be judged. As a wise man once said a very long long time ago... It is not who we are chosen to be, but how be we when we are chosen.
Morality. What gives a man the right to squeeze a woman's ass? Tsk. When confronted with such an issue, what should you do? Be aggressive, demand an apology and risk getting into a fight? Or be logical and leave the matter be because you alone cannot win 20 men burlier than you? At one hand, being the stupid fella who loses the fight and gain nothing. And on the other hand, be practical and not get hurt but losing your dignity for submitting to such scum by just leaving the problem alone.
Such matters make me... angry in a way because it all actually boils down to the bugger who squeezed ur friend in the first place. These ppl should be castrated.
Luck. SO is there such a thing after all? THe more I deny its existance, the more its absence haunts me. Why must life run on such an unpredictable factor? How can life be influenced by something so uncontrollable?
What is l u c k?
Oh, it's that time of the year again. Sometimes I do wish that I had been born at a later year. Perhaps that underlies my secret desire to never grow old. Sigh.
I think it's time to be happy.
